I have to start out by saying I was first diagnosed with a mental health condition back in 1986. See, I went alway to Iona College, in New Rochelle, New York. I only lasted for eight days before I had my first psychotic break.
It was a scary time for both me and my family. I remember it well, as it has always stayed with me. It was shortly after that breakdown that I went to my first psychiatric hospital ever.
Late at night, I went to speak to people at Middletown Psychiatric Center in Middletown, New York. My problem was that I was so overwhelmed that I couldn’t even speak. Everyone kept asking me, “What happened, what happened?” And as much as I wanted to answer, I curled down into a ball and just was paralyzed. Probably with fear.
Soon after, I saw my first Psychiatrist, and I even remember his name. It was Dr. Boyce. An older man. I looked at him, and I swear this happened, his entire face just started to melt down to the floor. It scared the life out of me.
This was my first visual hallucination.
I was later admitting to that hospital and I spent at least a week there, and I have to tell you. That place was less than desirable. All different kinds of people were there in one big day room. Where we sat all along the wall and just walked around and tried to interact with each other. It was a total hell hole.
I was overdose on Haldol. One of the few antipsychotics that we had back then. And the doctor had me on too much of it. So all that I did was sit with my mouth open and stare into space. My mother, she was there everyday. Just sitting with me, trying to talk to me.
I remember, too. Seeing most of my family. Everyone that I loved came to see me. My grandfather came close to me and just stared right back into my eyes, I am sure to try to reach my heart.
I don’t know why this unfortunate event happened to me at that time. But later I learned that it’s common for kids out of high school to have a nervous breakdown when they go away to college. For me, it was the fact, also, that I was just overwhelmed with “adult things.”
I was away from home, I came out as a lesbian at that time, and I was faced with a course load of work with all of my colleges classes. All of these things were occurring at once, and I simply couldn’t handle it.
But it was the beginning for me.
My journey after I transferred to another hospital wasn’t easy because I couldn’t speak. And I will add, this was a long time ago. The good news is that as human beings we are very resilient people. It’s amazing what we can go through and still heal.
I was able to heal. Time moved forward and corrected the problem. But since then, I have been in treatment. Treatment for my diagnosis and also I had therapy. Mostly Talk Therapy. For sometime Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.
I will add too, that to do your best in treatment means coming clean and being honest with yourself and your therapist. As it’s only with this mindset that you are going to be helped with your most pressing problems. And just think, to get the help we need is why we are seeking out treatment anyway.
Always speak the truth. Speak from your heart and never feel alone or afraid. Chances are a good psychiatrist and a good therapist has probably heard stories similar to yours anyway.
And now, it’s on you.
The last point I’d like to make is that with you in therapy, speaking your honest truth, you’re one of the front runners. And you’re getting work done on yourself. Welcome to this New Age. You’re a sign of modern times.
Put the work in on yourself, and move along your journey with a clear head and open heart.